Inspirational Quotes and Sayings About Misattributed george carlin

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

George Carlin

#Fighting #Humor #Misattributed george carlin #Peace

Sports fans eat shit.

George Carlin

#Humor #Sports

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

George Bernard Shaw

#Dance #Dancing #Definition #Innuendo

I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.

George Carlin

#Childhood #Humor

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

George Carlin

#Funny #Life #Witty

If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.

George Carlin

#Funny #Life #Witty

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

George Carlin

#Funny #Life #Witty

Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

George Carlin

#Humor #Life #School

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?

George Carlin

#Funny #Life #Witty

If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.

George Carlin

#Humor #Kids #Parenting #Role models

Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.

George Carlin

#Funny #Life #Witty

If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.

George Carlin

#Comedy #Hilarious #Stand up

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

George Carlin

#Funny #Life #Witty

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

George Carlin

#Benediction #Evil #Goodwill #Humor

If voting changed anything, it would be illegal.

George Carlin

#Funny #Life #Witty

If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.

George Carlin

#Funny #Life #Witty

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

George Carlin

#Funny #Life #Witty

THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.

George Carlin

#Fellatio #Humor #Sex

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

George Carlin

#Transformation #Growth #Change #Philosophy

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

George Carlin

#Funny #Life #Witty

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

George Carlin

#Nature

To become vegetarian is to step into the stream which leads to nirvana.

Gautama Buddha

#Life #Love #Misattributed #Nature

There are three types of lies -- lies, damn lies, and statistics.

Benjamin Disraeli

#Attributed no source #Lies #Lying #Misattributed mark twain

When you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on.

Theodore Roosevelt

#Clever #Desperation #Hope #Inspiration

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.

Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

#Humor #Misattributed to shakespeare #Notoriety

Always give without remembering and always receive without forgetting.

Brian Tracy

#Forgetting #Giving #Misattributed #Receiving